that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize