would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
