Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
