So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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