oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
