When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i think my cat just said my name.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
