Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize