I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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