As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize