Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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