Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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