I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
