you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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