You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
