All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
