asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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