Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I supernannyed him into submission
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
