I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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