Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
