hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize