Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
