my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
