Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
