She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
