just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
