proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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