I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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