Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
