covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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