she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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