She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
