hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize