my phone needs a breathalizer
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
