So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it glows. i had to have it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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