I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Even my vagina gasped.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
