He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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