Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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