last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
