Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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