Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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