Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize