i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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