omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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