She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
