Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
