Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
