we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
