its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
