i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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