Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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