He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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