So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
