idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
and you fell through a lawn chair
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