I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize