glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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