I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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