No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
