Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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