My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
