im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
