the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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