the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
