i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize