So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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