nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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