butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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