the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
