Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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