with your own penis?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
