Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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