she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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