I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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